We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I forget how to act sober
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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