I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
