Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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