The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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