I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
