don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
