Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
