I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
