this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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