dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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