I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
