im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
