I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
