I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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