oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
