I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize