The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
