If that was your dad, he is hot
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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