these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
