Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
