I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
