Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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