As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
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we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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