I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
