I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When are your genitals available?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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