she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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