Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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