sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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