this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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