she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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