Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
