K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
