Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
