I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
