went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Randomize
