I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
