If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
