i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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