I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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