What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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