so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
