It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
