i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
