the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
