If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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