I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
