At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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