clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
