Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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