Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
