If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
