shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
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I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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