He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
