Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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