Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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