hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
