First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
