she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
