First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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