He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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